Please donate today: Brenda Ramstack Benefit

Guest · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 01:25 am Post subject:

Thank you for posting this. I've read it several times. I also visited the library website and read Brenda's book review.

My husband was "given" (for lack of a better term) 3 weeks to 3 months to live in June 2004. (lung cancer) Like Brenda, he decided to fight. Though they told us he only had a 5% chance of living one year - we decided those odds were much better than 0% - so we accepted the 5% chance - and figured that we could get his chances up to 100% if we could find 95 things that boosted his odds by 1% each.

It must have worked because he lived. Lived as in actually LIVED; not just kept breathing. I look at all the pictures of him skydiving, swimming, water-skiing, camping, etc. all on the time he wasn't "supposed" to have, and I feel so very blessed.

My husband died in February 2007. He had only been actually "sick" for a few weeks. He did not lose the battle. He surrendered. There is a difference. But even on the last day he was alive, knowing it would be his last day, he told me "I'm really happy." (And my favorite part was when he added “I’m happy because I got to marry you.” )

From going through this with my husband, I know what an absolute hero people like you are. Your life changes when you are diagnosed as “terminal.” People who have been friends sometimes become uncomfortable and pull away; not intending to be cruel, but not knowing how to be kind. But as they pull away, a miracle happens, and people like you show up in our lives to encourage us, support us, and cheer us on. You probably have no idea of how much your support really means to Brenda.

During the last week of my husband’s life, every night we told each other “No matter what tomorrow brings, I am glad we had today.” And we meant it.

My thoughts and prayers are with Brenda. No matter what tomorrow brings, I’m glad she has today. And I will send a donation in hopes that in some small way I can help Brenda have more tomorrows that bring more todays.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~Dale Carnegie

David Traver · Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 02:40 am Post subject:

Thank you very much for your support of Brenda and her husband. Your check will really make a difference.

People like us are not heroes. Heroes are the men and women that run into burning buildings to put out fires when other people are running out.

What I am, as are you, is an individual who has been blessed in many ways. Happily for us, we learned the simple trick a while ago that what we give away we get back seven times over, exponentially. We learned how blessings work.

It's a nice trick to know.

Cheers!

Olan Barnes · Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 1910 Location: Michigan

Fighting cancer is not easy as I know first hand and I wish them the best in this success and further life as a result of this struggle.

Best wishes

Olan Barnes
Liver cancer diagnosed March 2005

Olan Barnes · Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 1910 Location: Michigan

As noted above I did have a rare liver transplant due a large cancerous tumor that was contained in my liver (had not spread) and I went to a state that would accept me and also had one of the shorter lists.

Prior to that I was told I had months to live in March of 2005 and I was not able to get anything but palliative treatment and after being told to go to the Mayo Clinic for what amouted to a clinical trial my tumor shrunk and the research scientist at the Mayo Clinic got me into the University of Indiana hospital for the transplant. It was a hard sell as hospitals are graded on their success rate and I was not thought to last a year from transplant by silly stupid stats.

My main problem in state run health system is health run rationing in particular to those over 60 - as I am pushing 62. Of course I was under 60 when I got my diagnosis and felt like I was in a Lifetime Movie of the month. I now volunteer for Gift of Life and try to tell everyone with cancer they have to be their own strong advocate if they hope to survive and thrive within any system.

BTW I got to meet Dave on two of my many trips to the Mayo Clinic and I will not ruin his repudiation by saying what a gentleman he was - he wants to avoid good press LOL

I found this link interesting:

http://www.startribune.com/science/49030386.html

jayteef · Joined: 21 Jun 2009 Posts: 349

Olan,

What an inspiring story! And I applaud you for taking that gift and extending it to others. I am not always able to inspire people because my husband did not ultimately survive. Sometimes us widows make people who have cancer very nervous and they don’t always find us very inspiring. But I do what I can (sometimes).

Ironically, my husband's cancer was initially detected (in 2000) when he was getting his final workup to be a bone marrow donor for a child with leukemia. So in essence, the gift of life he tried to give the child was given back to him for quite some time. And they found another donor for the child. (My husband was really worried about that.)

Have you ever looked at the Bloch Cancer Foundation? They have a lot of nice resources for people who don’t want to buy into the “there’s no hope” game. We went to the Cancer Survivor Park in Kansas City.
http://blochcancer.org/

I am SO much in agreement with you about people needing to be their own advocates!

When my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, they didn’t want to treat it because of his age. They told him it is slow growing and would take ten years to kill him. My father told them he was kind of hoping to be alive in ten years. He got the treatment. He’s 89, still alive, and still hasn’t actually retired yet… though he is slowing down quite a bit.

My favorite flower is daisies. Unbeknown to me, my husband planted bunches of daisies around our house. One morning, several months after he died, I walked outside to be greeted with daisies blooming all over. He figured out a way to keep giving me flowers! Amazing! My daisies are blooming now, which always makes me happy!

Olan Barnes · Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 1910 Location: Michigan

I saw this on a Gift of Life newsletter:

Resources on the Web….
www.donortribute.org— a site to share a memory, tell a story, or write a
letter in honor of the donors that have given the Gift of Sight.
www.transplantcafe.com—a site to enable personal connections,
awareness and support to the transplant community.
www.transplantbuddies.com— a site where a
collective group of sharing, caring, and friendly individuals
from all over the world that have or will be touched
by organ donation.
www.revivehope.com—a blog site to share inspirational stories
about people directly affected by organ and tissue donation

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I will man a table with my wife at the Ann Arbor Art Fair for organ donation.

We all do what we can now if I could only get up the guts to write a letter to the doner family - it is anonymous and tough.

Guest · Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 02:05 am Post subject:

I imagine you will write it when the time is right for you to do so. Or actually write it on paper..since you already have a thousand half written letters in your head. But yes, I imagine it becomes very hard to find words that do justice to your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes there just aren't enough words - or aren't the right words (which is why we have art).

And I imagine the family will read it when it is right for them to do so. And they will probably read it at least a hundred times. And then read it again. It will most likely be tough for them too; but so much of a blessing.

It's like layers and layers of bittersweetness all the way to the core.

David Traver · Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:10 am Post subject:

The Eagle community put on a really nice benefit for Brenda. Well over a thousand people dropped by. The bands were great and we all had a wonderful time.

Thanks to everybody who sent a check to Brenda's account, and to all of you who will do so in the next week.

Really, thanks!

David Traver · Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 02:03 pm Post subject:

Thank you very much to everybody who sent a check to the benefit! It was a smashing success and the money is still rolling in!

A special shout out to Olan, for his generous gift and support!

Brenda and her husband Guy

jayteef · Joined: 21 Jun 2009 Posts: 349

Geez.. ..to find a stamp, envelope, my checkbook, and inkpen all at the same time...

I always seem to keep the "belated" card makers in business - and wish they made Merry Belated Christmas cards.

But I remembered the modern miracle - online bill pay. Click, Send.

I met some wonderful people at an event in Decatur, Illinois several years ago who had an organization that helped woman with breast cancer who were uninsured or underinsured.

I looked it up today.

http://www.illinoiswings.com/mission.php
A non-profit breast cancer treatment organization

Apparently this specific organization just covers Illinois, but it looks like they also have similar organizations in other states.